Release Date: 2 May 2008
Director: Jon Favreau
Writers: John August, Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby, Arthur Marcum, Matthew Hollaway
Creators: Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Don Heck, Jack Kirby
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges

Based on the popular metal-clad Marvel character, Iron Man follows the story of Tony Stark, the hyper-intelligent scion of an enormously wealthy weapon manufacturing family and the heir to the multi-billion dollar company that his father built. Irresponsible, rash, amoral and something of a womaniser, his life is turned upside down when he’s captured by the not-Al-Qaeda forces of terrorist supremo Raza, who wants Stark to build him a devastating weapons system that will enable him to wage war on a catastrophic scale. Needless to say, Stark has other ideas and ends up making himself into a walking tank that decimates the prison. His return to the USA sees him vow to take on people who would cause massive suffering to others, and perfect his design of a suit that will turn him into the Iron Man.

Although the film can drag at points, a witty, refreshing and entertaining script breaks up any threatening tedium during the points between the jaw-dropping action sequences. However, the lead actor is what makes Iron Man transcend the Fantastic Four stable of effects and humour, and launches it into its very own league. If there’s ever a man that embodied an action hero, it’s Robert Downey Jr as Tony Stark. This film proves that he should have been one of the great actors of his generation – a consummate performer that not only makes the film, but also carries it on all levels. Unfortunately, the supporting cast isn’t as impressive. Gwyneth Paltrow seems out of sorts in a film of this kind, and while she certainly has chemistry with Downey, her character, Pepper Potts, changes quickly from being a strong and focused female lead to being another one of Tony’s floosies. As a result, we disengage too completely with her to ever fully sympathise towards the end. Likewise, while Jeff Bridges does put in a decent performance as a distasteful corporate veteran, his rapid transformation to homicidal villain is not as convincing as it could be.

A few minor flaws with casting and pacing aside, the real joy of Iron Man is its humour. Laughs are frequent and widespread and overall you get the sense that this film is one that knows exactly what it is, exactly what it wants to achieve, and has a real go at it without ever taking itself too seriously. Yes, this may not appeal to the post-Killing Joke crowds who may be more in tune with a Nolanesque vision of comic book films, but for those of us who just want to see Tony Stark being Tony Stark in the most sophisticated armoured vehicle known to man, Iron Man is our film.

You may have noticed how creak-free the publicity machine for Iron Man has been. It’s irritatingly perfect. Whenever there’s a big football match on, rest assured there’s an Iron Man trailer at half time making you feel like an idiot for not thinking about it all the time, non-stop, now and forever. Indeed, whenever 15 to 40-year-old males are likely to be gathered around the goggle box you can bet your nan’s oxygen mask that Paramount’s promotion team will be there before you, ready to shove that charming devil with his shiny metal suit in your face.

These aren’t ten second TV spots either; these are two minute, loud, brash motherfuckers that show the whole bloody film bar the boring bits. In other words, they’re really good. And probably so expensive that the marketing budget will be hid from prying eyes for the next century for fear of the whole recession-hit world turning against those rich bastards in La La Land. But why, a sensible person might ask, the big spend? There’s been nothing but piss on the cinema for months, so surely the general public are going to leap toward the multiplexes at the first sight of CG. Not so, for as cocky as the suits at Marvel and Paramount might appear to be about their too-cool-for-this-hero-shit mascot, they’re secretly petrified about the unstoppable enemy approaching.

Like most people with a pathetic life and bugger all sense, I’m fairly excited about the Iron Man movie. The idea of a man dressing up in an expensive toy and blowing the crap out of evil foreigners simply appeals to me. But will I be watching it come the all-important first week of release? Will I hell. I’ll be killing people instead. And stealing cars. And selling drugs. Basically, I’m going to be playing the shit out of GTA IV and there’s nothing Iron Man can do to stop me.

Now, when a big game is released, there seems to be shorter queues at the pictures, and Paramount knows it. That’s why there’s been this month-long pre-emptive strike on our TVs. It’s also why Iron Man won’t be the biggest movie of the summer and why the chances of a sequel are going to be seriously affected by something that has sod all to do with it. Not that I care though, after all, I’ll be too busy blowing the bollocks off mobsters to give a shit.

Directors are a rare breed, possessing a unique combination of artistic talents, man management and people-person skills, as well as being a lover of all things cinema. At least, this is usually the case, certainly with the best directors out there, but not so with a certain Mr Uwe Boll. The famed director of such cinematic classics as Alone In The Dark and BloodRayne II: The Deliverance, the German helmer has found himself the unwanted focus of an online competition to stop him making movies. In an interview he conducted several weeks ago, he was asked whether he would stop making movies if enough people signed a petition. Replying that it would take a million people to get him to stop, said petition immediately went up and with only a couple of weeks under its belt, it is already halfway there.

So what did the self-aggrandising director do by way of reply? Well, rather than heeding the advice (not to mention the pleads, and violent threats in some cases) the petition threw his way and sticking to his words, he released a video urging people to start up a pro-Boll petition. Why? Because, and we quote the great man’s own words here, he is “not a f***ing retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business.” A scathing attack on Eli Roth followed this anti-Bay nugget, which we can at least understand, after which Boll went on to claim thus: “If you look at my movies, you will see my real genius!”

Anyone who has seen the director’s work is surely only all too aware of his ‘genius’, but in an industry that is fuelled by sycophantic wannabes, we need more Uwe Bolls. From his video post, and his journo-bludgering prior behaviour, the man is clearly quite eccentric, that much is granted, but Hollywood is all the better for it. He’s like a cross between Ed Wood and Arnold Schwarzenegger, ready and willing to fight for his ‘unique vision’ and to bring it to the screen. We pity, though, the poor individual whose job it’ll be to inform him when the 1 millionth signature has been added. And it will be added.

To sum up: someone’s trying to publish an encyclopedia for all things Potter but series author JK Rowling is determined to stop them. She doesn’t believe that anyone should make money off her property without her say so. Fair enough. Kind of.

If – and she may well be – Rowling is successful in her bid to stop the Harry Potter lexicon from being published, you have to wonder what is going to happen to all those unofficial guides and companions that have been so popular with fandom. Will it really be the case that nothing can be written for profit about Potter without JK’s say so? What happens to magazines wanting to feature a complete guide to Hogwarts? Will she even make the reviews copyright protected? And what happens if other authors and creators follow suit? It’s not an appealing situation but the courts could be on the verge of setting a dangerous precedent.

It must be made clear that Rowling is insisting this isn’t about money but about quality control. She has labelled the encyclopedia “sloppy” and “atrocious” and unworthy for publication. Funny, as that hasn’t stopped her recently.

Sick burn.